I’m doing something a little different today! My passion is healthy cooking but what goes hand in hand with that is fitness. This is a bit of a sore subject for me. Truth is- I’m embarrassed.
I was always a bit overweight my whole life, then went through an eating disorder and got way way too thin, then put the weight back on. But while I was in university I got myself really fit and healthy. I ate well and I worked out like a BEAST 5 days a week, lifting heavy weights and feeling strong and confident. I kept this up for several years.
It pains me to say, that all fell apart. I struggle with anxiety and it hit me HARD a couple years ago. I stopped working out because I felt so lethargic. I started eating for comfort. I started to put the weight back on. Then when I got pregnant about a year and a half ago, my comfort eating got out of control. I was very sick my entire pregnancy, intense nausea and horrible heartburn. The only thing that calmed down the stomach acid for a bit was eating, especially starchy foods like bagels. I ate lots of pizza, bagels, donuts, etc. Of course I felt awful afterward, but I’ve always been an emotional eater and pregnancy only intensified the issue.
I love eating healthy food, always have, but I’ll admit it: I’m an emotional eater and sometimes I indulge in food that I know isn’t good for me. It’s been so hard for me to come to terms with this. I write about healthy living, and of course I eat everything I make and post on the blog, but I also eat food that isn’t healthy. That’s just the painful truth.
This is all very frustrating to me. I was so happy with my fitness level, my eating, the way I looked, and I’ve lost all of that. I’m 100 lbs heavier than I was. Half gained before pregnancy, half gained during. And I’ve tried on and off to get fit again but I always end up quitting. Fatigue, fussy baby, no time, etc- I always have a reason.
But I have reached my breaking point.
It really happened a few days ago, when I took my 10 month old Evelyn to a baby/toddler gym class at a gym for kids that my husband works at. I felt so uncomfortable. Going from seated to standing and vice versa several times, I got frustrated because I constantly had to pull my pants up and pull my shirt down to properly cover my belly. I felt so pathetic when all of us parents were doing an activity where we were carrying our babies and running around a circle. I was so out of breath and sweaty and red in the face. I felt horribly embarrassed. This was a fitness class for BABIES and it was the hardest workout I’ve done in a while. And I want her to go back, because she LOVED it, but I feel so embarrassed I’m not sure I’ll be able to get myself back there. Anxiety and being out of shape is a tough combo.
I’m so sick of struggling to be the mom I want to be because I’m out of shape. I don’t feel comfortable in public where I’ll be moving around a lot. It’s difficult for me to get up and down from sitting on the floor with my daughter. It breaks my heart that she sometimes misses out because of me.
So when I was scrolling through my Facebook feed last night and saw a clip of Jillian Michaels doing a workout from her app, a crazy intense one that I probably could have done a few years ago at my peak, I thought to myself WOW I’d love to be that strong again. I purchased her app, which is really all-inclusive from meal plans with delicious healthy recipes to workout plans that are tailored to your needs. PS: I’m not being paid for talking about the Jillian Michaels app- I wish!
The game changer with this app for me is that I can select the workouts to be at the easiest level and I can choose a plan that’s meant for women post-baby. Part of the reason I’ve given up on recent workouts is that I’m so out of shape right now that I physically can’t do some of them and I get so discouraged. In the Jillian Michaels App workouts, you can easily swap moves for modified versions with a couple taps. It makes it easy to suit the workout to your needs.
I have yet to head to the grocery store so I’m not on the meal plan yet, but I’m going to start the workout plan today. FOR REAL TODAY. And by writing about it, I’m making myself accountable.
Every Tuesday I’ll update with how it’s going and my progress. This will help me stick to it, and maybe make other mamas trying to get back in shape feel like they’re not alone!
See ya next Tuesday, wish me luck!
Grab the FREE guide for the 8 Key Essential Oils I Use Nearly Everyday!
Join The Refreshanista Society and get the latest recipes and remedies!